WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
