meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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