toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
