You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
