O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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