So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
