Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
