Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its liver damage thursday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
