Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
