i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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