your room smells of hookers.
And success
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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