this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
