If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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