We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
