right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
