So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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