We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
