I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
