Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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