He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
