I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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