Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I could make wine with my vomit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
