so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
