stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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