you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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