Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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