just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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