Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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