Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
