girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
