can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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