I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
