We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize