bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
