John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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