I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
