I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
