I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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