it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
