She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
