Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
