it was like eating out sand paper
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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