So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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