pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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