After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
