youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
