Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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