A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize