i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
