Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
