Screwed.edu
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
