I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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