I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
