Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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