I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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