why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
