I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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