can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
