You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
