pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
