I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
