so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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