I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I did not marry a roomba.
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