: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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