What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
