i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My vagina is officially offended.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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