): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
