bring money and cleavage
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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