My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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