Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
