she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
