God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
